Today’s Monday Listicles is about weddings, thanks to it being on Stasha’s mind! I must admit, I haven’t been to many weddings. My first wedding was when I was 6. My dad’s best friend from Montana was finally getting married at 40-something. I was mad because the groom was the second love of my life (dad was first, like all little girls!). Not long after was my mom’s cousin marrying in the Catholic church. Four hours. Oy vey. After graduating high school, I bumped into an old acquaintance from school and was asked to be a bridesmaid. I began to decline her offer since she hadn’t been in my life for many years but was guilted into it. Found out by accident that I was a last ditch replacement so my time being rushed to fittings and the like were filled with joy and happiness. Not. Last but not least, my cousin was getting married in D.C. so we decided to make a holiday out of it. I was three months pregnant with Riley, sick and hormonal, and totally left out as part of the family. I supposed that’s how you are thought of when you are only “step” relatives.
10 ways how NOT to have a wedding:
1. Do not plan an entire wedding and reception, located in your backyard, in only three months.
2. Do not have your co-worker cater your event no matter how many she has done in the past.
3. Do not have your co-worker’s brilliant photographer daughter take the pictures.
4. Do not have your co-worker the caterer show up only five hours before the ceremony time with no food made.
5. Do not have your mother and aunt cook most of the food for you, nor have your fiance set up the ceremony and reception areas all by himself.
6. Do not skip out on the rehearsal ceremony because your co-worker the caterer, who is also the officiant, might mispronounce your new last name.
7. Do not hide any booze in the house for your new alcoholic brother-in-law to find, drink, make a scene with his girlfriend, and throw the empties in your front yard.
8. Do not, as the bride, take on any organizing responsibility for the flow of the night when no one else will because you will become stressed out and forget to be the bride you were supposed to be that night.
9. Do not have your fiance curse out his parents on the phone because they were going to be late to the ceremony while your conservative parents are sitting in the next room.
10. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have your future mother-in-law request to make your wedding dress because she will never have it done in time for the ceremony!
Yes, this was MY wedding!